It’s sometimes difficult to adopt a healthy habit, mindset or lifestyle when you don’t know what that looks like in practice. We hear all the time about “healthy relationships, having higher standards and expecting better”.
But what does a healthy relationship with a securely attached partner actually look like? Here’s a quick look into what you should expect.
Healthy communication
He communicates consistently and clearly.
This means he replies promptly, doesn’t leave you on seen, checks up on you throughout the day/week according to his schedule and in agreement with your needs as well.
You won’t be left wondering if he’s busy, dropped off the face of the earth, or is intentionally ignoring you. He’ll make it quite clear that you’re a priority and there will be no second guessing.
He listens and pays attention
He pays attention to your needs and desires and quirks, and makes your life better using said details. This means he buys your favorite kind of flowers, makes your favorite tea in the morning, remembers your food allergies when having dinner dates, and the list goes on.
He remembers these things, no matter how trivial, because they’re not trivial to him – they matter, and he shows it accordingly.
Healthy conflict resolution
Disagreements may still appear even in healthy relationships – and that’s OK! Communication is essentual for a healthy dynamic, and it’s a good sign that you’re talking things through.
However, his approach to disagreements is a secure one: each will share their perspective. And if feelings were hurt or mistakes were made, he takes accountability for his side, and makes genuine apologies followed by reparations and direct actions: for instance, he says things like, “I’m sorry I did that, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I will be/do y in the future”, and then does as he promised.
He keeps his promises
His actions are in alignment with his words, and he keeps his words.
If he says he’ll call you after work, he does. If he says he needs to cool off during an argument and will reopen the conversation in one hour, he does indeed return in one hour to continue the topic.
He reassures you
If you’re anxious, he will reassure you and work through it. He doesn’t run away or avoid the topic (as an avoidantly attached person would).
He supports you
If you come forward communicating your needs, or sharing complaints or grievances, he will hear you out and actively seek a way to improve things.
He won’t freak out, or get angry or run away in response to you having needs or communicating your thoughts – these are normal relationship things you’re entitled to, and a securely attached man knows this.
He’s securely attached and has his own life
A man that is well-rounded, with a secure attachment style, will have a rich life of his own: hobbies, interests, circles of friends, activities, the list goes on. He will enjoy having his independence and space, and will respect your need for your own!
He is not codependent, nor gets in the way of you having your own life outside of him. He knows having individually rich lives is important for a healthy relationship. To expand on this, he encourages you to enjoy your selfcare time, your girl’s night out, or whatever other activities nourish you.
Can you relate to these traits? Have you experienced these amazing qualities firsthand while dating? Let me know in the comments below.
