Discourse about “high value men” or the importance of finding a “high value man” is all over the internet. But have you ever wondered how to recognize one in the first place?

As with all things in life, contrasts help us understand the difference between polarities. Without darkness, there is no light. When light is all you know, you cannot appreciate its true value because you have nothing to compare it against. When dark is all you know, you don’t realize how much things can get better, or that they can get better in the first place!

And so, in order to make sure that as a high value woman you are implementing appropriate dating strategies, we reviewed in great detail the most common red flags of the low value man (or low value individuals, applies regardless of gender). These are individuals that have eskewed priorities, morals, values and principles, none of which have your best interest or wellbeing at heart.

Have you noticed how prevalent the actions and behaviors associated with low value are in the media? In books, tv shows? It is no wonder then, why that is what has become familiar to so many people across the world. And what is familiar, is associated with safe and attractive to your subconscious. What is familiar, you unconsciously replicate in your own life – life imitates art!

So, by becoming conscious of and unfamiliarizing the low value traits, then familiarizing yourself with high value ones (both in your relationships and in your personal development), you are actively re-wiring yourself to register only high value traits as attractive and acceptable.

And now that we have seen how he does it wrong, here’s how he does it right: the most common green flags of a high value man, that demonstrates how a healthy, supportive, uplifting relationship should be… and what it looks like in daily life.

If you have been surrounded by low value behavior for the majority of your life, you may be shocked by the opposite simply because it is new. Don’t be. Normalize healthy, fulfilled relationships. Normalize commitment, integrity, consistency, and all the other ingredients of a happy relationship, as well as a high value individual. They go hand in hand.

A player, no matter his partner, can only build a playground.
But a king with a queen? They can build an entire kingdom.

1. Consistent behaviour

His actions align with his words. He is consistent with his behaviour. There are no rollercoasters or blowing hot and cold, no games or playing around. He is steady and reliable, and you feel at ease. He is your anchor as daily life unfolds, and you feel you can lean on him to center you in the storm of everything. That is what consistency means.

2. He puts in the effort

The most telling quality of a high value man is his level of effort! From the moment you meet him, he knows what he wants and he puts in the effort to make it happen. He checks in with you frequently, he asks about your day, when he makes plans with you he follows up to make sure everything’s on track. If anything comes in the way of your plans, he handles it like a gentleman: he lets you know in advance time, apologizes accordingly, and follows up in rescheduling and making up to you.

He remembers that one mention of your favorite book, or the way you like your tea, or any other detail which may seem trivial to you, but is important to him – because it’s a part of you, and he wants to get to know you more with each day.

Whether it’s months or years into the relationship, his effort is consistent. He knows that a high quality woman deserves to be valued and appreciated continuously, otherwise she will walk away and find someone who does.

3. He makes you feel safe

You feel safe and relaxed in his presence. You feel it in your bones that he’s got your back and will protect you no matter what happens. Much like a treasured pearl, his sacred masculine energy rises to match your own divine feminine energy in a beautiful harmony where you feel enveloped, sheltered, encompassed.

Keep in mind, your sense of safety around a man is the farthest from trivial. In fact, your instincts are incredibly powerful and always hold your best interests on a primal level. Just as it is an excellent sign of a high value man when you feel safe around him, likewise it is an undeniable red flag of a low value man when you don’t feel safe around him.

4. He respects your family

He understands the importance and sacredness of family values, and he knows your family is an extension of you. As such, he honors your family, is courteous and respectful of any traditions, routines or habits. Even if he disagrees or does not approve of something, he will do so politely like a gentleman; he would never make a scandal or insult anyone.

5. He respects your friends

Much like family, your friends are also an extension of you. Whether he loves them instantly, or it takes time for them to grow on him, it is important to connect with them because they are important to you. He prioritizes getting to know them better, understand them more, learn about their hobbies or interests. He is open minded and eager to initiate activities or ideas to spend valuable time together.

6. Empathy

A high value man has a healthy relationship with his emotions, his vulnerability, his softness, in other words, his Anima: his feminine energy. It is only with a healthy openness for empathy, that a relationship can truly thrive.

He is also empathic to your needs, your thoughts, your emotional world. He is not only there to be a provider, to offer solutions and help you through life’s obstacles; he is also there to offer emotional support, as that is a foundation for a healthy, resilient relationship. When you can trust each other with your troubles, your daily struggles, your humanity.

Note: In my opinion, empathy is innate. A person is either empathic or they are not. It is not something that can be taught. They can teach themselves to be nicer and more considerate, yes, but you can’t teach them to start caring about other people on a basic level. And that is why, empathy is a standing stone for a High Value Man. It is the precursor for other high value qualities. If he is empathic, he will love animals, he will be a kinder and gentler human being. If he is empathic, he will innately understand you – without you having to explain each emotion like a factual, emotionally-detached logical process, the only way a man with low empathy will understand. (Besides, individuals with low empathy have a higher potential to show sociopathic, toxic or abusive behaviour, for obvious reasons.)

Without empathy, without emotional support, the connection between two people can never be whole. There will be a discrepancy, a void, a disharmony. There will be a bright, vivid world within both, that neither can access in the other. And that is not a healthy, high value relationship.

7. High Emotional Intelligence

Building on the foundation of empathy, a high value man also has high emotional intelligence. He understands the subtleties of social situations. He knows how to navigate complicated, messy, emotional undercurrents. Conflicts, arguments, disagreements.

He has a healthy response to feedback or criticism, by taking it for what it is: feedback, and not an attack on his identity or ego. He is open and responsive to new things, new options, new ways of doing things. Self-awareness in terms of his emotional wellbeing is another important form of high emotional intelligence. It means he has a good understanding on his state of mind, how he feels, why he feels the way he does. By practicing self-awareness, one can get to the root of the issue and have a healthy handle of said emotions. (On the other hand, someone with little to no emotional self-awareness will always be at the mercy of their emotions, moods and emotion-driven impulses, while claiming to be the opposite.)

8. He honors your boundaries

Anything that makes you uncomfortable, uneasy, anxious, any dealbreakers that you’ve made clear to him, are words of law. He honors them to the letter and never pushes any boundaries. If he does do it by accident, he apologizes profusely, asks if you’re okay, and comforts you until you feel better.

9. He respects your privacy

When you say you need some time alone, he lets you unfold in your chosen room. He doesn’t touch your journals or diaries, unless you explicitly invite him to. He doesn’t touch your phone or messages, not even when it’s unlocked. If he’s curious about anything, he will ask you directly and trust that you’re telling the truth, without needing any proof.

10. He honors your love languages

He pays attention to the little gestures or actions or words that make you feel loved. This is important. He loves you and wants you to know it in every way possible, specifically in your love language, whether it’s…

Words of Affirmations: by voicing his affections, calling you terms of endearment, reminding you how beautiful you are or how much he loves you.

Acts of Service: going out of his way unloading the dishwasher, tidying up around the home, cooking nourishing, wholesome meals, or running errands downtown for you, he shows his love through his actions, by lightening the burden on your shoulders.

Gifts: by picking up beautiful things here and there every day to show his affections. A bouquet of roses in the morning. A new perfume every month. A luxurious set of jewelry with gems the color of your eyes. Shoes or bags or anything else that pleases his partner. He is happy to deck you in the finest luxury because it makes his queen happy.

Quality Time: making sure that no matter how busy he is, he makes time for just the two of you, with no distractions.

Physical Touch: by reminding you throughout the day that he’s right there, one touch on your shoulder, one caress on your cheek. Simply letting his presence, his closeness and warmth remind you that he’s there for you.

11. He remembers the important things

Your birthday, your anniversary, your favorite color, favorite perfume, favorite location. The way you prefer your tea or coffee in the morning. Your ideal vacation setting. Your comfort food. The way you like to keep your nightstand because it has the right Feng Shui. Your most beloved movies & books in the world which sit closest to your heart.

He will remember these things and more, for one simple reason: because they are important to you.

12. Things feel easy and effortless with him

When you’re with him, everything feels like it’s going to be okay no matter what. Like having him by your side is equal to having order be restored in the world by the mere grace of the strength he instills in you with his presence, his way of being, his aura.

When you’re with him, you don’t have to bend over backwards to make things happen, or keep them together. Being with him is easy, and it feels right.

13. His love is healing

The most important of all, being with him is healing. When you’re with him, you don’t feel like you have to heal and recover from a rollercoaster of emotions and events. Being with him is peaceful, rewarding, soulful.

It puts you back together, instead of causing you to fall apart.

14. He makes you laugh and smile a lot

He loves making you smile and laugh. Whether it’s telling you jokes, teasing you in a way that pleases you, or simply with his way of being, your heart feels positive and uplifted in his presence. His priority is to make you happy.

The keyword here is that he makes you smile significantly more than he makes you cry (in a relationship it doesn’t matter how much the other person says they love you, if all they do is make you cry). And if a high value man does cause you to shed tears – because he is human – he rues the day he did, and make sure he never does it again, because you’re his queen and he wants to protect you.

Darlings, a man that prioritizes making your heart happy is normal. This is what a healthy relationship looks like.

15. He is a provider

One of the prime expressions of divine masculine energy is that of providing, besides protecting. Being a provider means he provides solutions, support, relief, financial support, and anything else you need.

If you’re having issues with the household, he helps getting it fixed. Or maybe you have phone anxiety and need to call the cable guy – he’ll take over the task. Or if you like going on weekly Sunday coffee dates, he’ll make the arrangements so everything is sorted and you can just enjoy everything.

16. He is supportive

Whether it’s deciding you want to go back to college to get a Doctorate, or move to the seaside where your grandparents used to live as a way to reconnect with your past, or open a new business, he trusts your choices and is happy to support you if that’s what you really want. He will share his input and offer his feedback, certainly, but he is understanding and open to options, because he trusts your judgement, and only wants you to be happy.

17. It’s Team You vs. The Issue

You work as a team against the issue. He’s on your team, always. Even in the worst of disagreements, he still remembers it’s you and him versus the issue, instead of him versus you.

This also means he consults you before making big decisions, not because he needs your approval (or viceversa), but because you operate as a team, and communication and support is a must. Living together, working together, facing challenges, doing any activities together is exciting and joyful because he knows he’s on the winning team regardless of what happens.

18. He is proud of your accomplishments

From the smallest of achievements like getting out of bed during an onset of horrible cramps, to getting a certificate, he is proud of everything and inbetween. He mentions it at dinner parties, proudly brings up your accomplishments with his family and friends. When you work as a team, any success of yours is a success of his, and viceversa!

19. He gives you freedom and independence

The notion of knowing where you are and exactly with who and until what hour where, is an outdated and unhealthy one – and he’s not about that life.

Instead, he offers you freedom and independence to unfold as you feel comfortable, and you offer the same. This freedom and independence means trust. It means you feel comfortable letting go of control, of the need to know everything at all times. There’s no need for it! When you trust each other, offering and receiving freedom and independence feels effortless, natural, and most importantly, it feels nourishing. (A relationship cannot thrive under the noose of little/no privacy, heightened control and distrust.)

20. He is open to growing as a couple

He is open to listening to your feedback, to reading books, or going to couple’s therapy or individual therapy. There is an openness for anything that will help your relationship grow and improve, even if it means facing the facts that are not sunshine and butterflies.

21. Open, loving communication

Communication is the nr. 1 foundation for a healthy relationship. When there is a strong, open connection, you feel comfortable telling him anything, and he feels the same way. You can talk about anything and everything. He’s the first person you’d tell of a job promotion, or exciting news, or a bright new idea, or the smallest, most trivial thoughts. You feel that you can be honest about any aspect of your life and he would understand.

22. Healthy apology language

He does not deflect or shift the blame.

Nor does he gaslight or invalidate your feelings by saying how you shouldn‘t feel.

And he doesn’t say, “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry that upset you but…”

When he does something wrong that hurt you, he takes ownership of the fact, and apologizes. He admits his blame, promises to do better, and actively works towards those actions. He says, “I am sorry I said/did ____. I understand now it was inconsiderate of me to do so, I shouldn’t have said/done it. I promise I will be more attentive. Will you forgive me?”

23. Clarity

With a man like him, there are no games, no playing. He is very transparent about his intentions from the first moment. He doesn’t make you doubt, or question, or sit around ruminating on what is and what isn’t.

You are clear where you stand in the relationship, and you are clear where you are together as a couple. Your goals, your vision. There is a shared clarity in your vision and expectations, because you both value a healthy, emotionally mature relationship, and both are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work.

24. Financial responsibility

A high value man is exceedingly clear on the importance of money and being financially stable, as well as being financially educated. He takes actions continuously to improve his understanding, his education, and his status.

With each day, he learns from past mistakes and makes better choices. He understands that financial stability and having a certain treshold of income is important for being able to provide for his partner, even if she has her own career and sidehustles going.

Most important of all, he strives to be an anchor in the family, a source of strength and support. To be a rolemodel for family and friends, to make smart financial choices that make everything easier for those within his family, his tribe, his community. That’s the divine masculine energy.

25. Committment

No amount of “I love you” is going to patch up a relationship into working by itself. No matter what happens in the relationship, there is equal continuous committment on both ends to make it work, whatever it takes. Whether it’s one year in, or 30 years into the relationship/marriage.

A high value man honors his committment to you because he knows it’s worth the effort. He understand what is at stake, and time and time again will invest as much effort as necessary to make things work.

26. Healthy handle of conflict

If there is a disagreement or argument (after all, we are human), he handles it in an emotionally mature way, by focusing on solutions, instead of focusing on shifting blame back and forth. He de-escalates situations by bringing awareness to your strength as a couple, to your mutual commitment, to your shared love; instead of escalating the conflict by caving to frustrations, ego and selfishness. He is very clear on the endgame for you two as a couple, and he practices self-awareness and an open mind when it comes to evolving together.

If there are issues with bringing conflicts to resolution, he admits his faults and is receptive to improving things – whether through therapy, books, various practices or open communication.

27. He is a gentleman

Being a gentleman encompasses a wide range of qualities, principles and values.

Being a gentleman means he has good manners. He is polite and respectful, and has a keen understanding of social conducts. Without been asked, he opens the doors for you, carries your bags, and brings gifts whenever he is invited somewhere. When it comes to fashion, he dresses accordingly to a gentleman, with style, taste and attention to tidyness.

He takes care of his health, his body, his appearance, and strives to always put his best self forward, while still being his authentic self. Being a gentleman is all of this and more. In essence, one cannot be a high value man without being a gentleman as well. Although calling the two terms as identical is debatable, they are certainly closely associated, for good reason.

28. He is protective

A high value man is protective of his partner. When it’s cold out, he offers you his jacket without a word When you’re out dining and knows you love fries (particularly, his fries), he will share. When he sees you feeling under the weather, he checks to make sure you haven’t caught a cold, and if you have, he will not sit still until you’re resting snug as a bug in bed with a cup of tea and hot soup. If your mooncycle arrives and the cramps kick in, he’ll bring you chocolate, painkillers and generous massages to ease the pain. If you’re out in public and a waiter or salesman is not being professional with you; or if anyone disrespects you, he will step in, no questions asked.

29. He is a good friend

This is applicable to both his relationships (friendships) with others, as well as his relationship with you. A high value man takes great care of the friendships in his life, to nurture them the way they deserve because he knows without effort, communication and loyalty, friendships cannot thrive long-term.

And as such, a high value man has the same approach to his most important friendship: the one with you! The best of relationships have a solid foundation of friendship. Before you are lovers, partners or anything else, you are friends first and foremost. It means the relationship is built on kindness, empathy, playfulness, trust, communication – all the basics of a joyful connection.

Friendship is the glue that builds strong, steadfast and committed relationships.