Self hate is out, self love is in. Across the world and the internet, self-deprecation, denial, rejection… is no longer romanticized or even common. People are beginning to realize the true revolution of accepting themselves. Everything changes when you stop judging your whole being as imperfect, and embrace the fact that perfection and beauty is a social construct, it doesn’t define your worth.
Everybody’s journey of self-love is different, but the first step is to begin. And as someone who’s been there, wracked by anxiety and insecurity many years back, I can promise it gets better. Self love changes everything. Everything, in the best ways. Self love is not just putting on a facemask, treating yourself to that pretty thing you’ve wanted for months; it’s also cleaning up your apartment even if you don’t want to, or writing a concise to-do list to ease that anxiety of feeling overwhelmed. Essentially, it is you becoming your best friend, your nr. 1 fan, looking out for your future self – even if it’s the self 30 min from now. And little by little, through gratitude and relief and healing, that love grows for yourself.
Self love changes how you view yourself and by extension it changes how you view life and the act of living. And when you know you deserve the world, you will stop tolerating those who believe you deserve anything less. This, I believe, is still the most transforming fact about learning to appreciate yourself deeply.

But how did I get here? I chose to take the first step. I’d come to a point where I knew it wasn’t how I wanted to spend the rest of my life, and I decided enough, this needs to change. Yes, it took time, years in my case but everybody’s progress is different.
I chose it day by day, by first of all removing anything that was enforcing that negativity, upholding it or even holding me back from growing as a person. This meant releasing my hold on an idealized past self – my first and hardest challenge in the journey. It was unhealthy because it made me nostalgically idealize an illusion, an idea, over a real human being – myself. Removing negativity also meant letting go of old friendships, relationships, people I thought I could never let go of, but which were keeping me stuck in that mindset. But I did cut them off, because at that point the choice was easy. I valued my health and wellbeing more than the idea of keeping them in my life despite anything. It also meant moving on from situations, jobs, circumstances which hindered my development.
Their absence did not leave a bitter, aching emptiness as I’d feared. It was the complete opposite. Peace, relief, fulfillment, a deep calm that only comes with staying kind and true to yourself. I embraced what had felt like emptiness at first but later realized as space for growth. I filled that space with positive, fruitful seeds: constantly exposing myself to body positivity (blogs that promoted this healthy mindset, images of the natural body sans make-up, editing or filters, people of all shapes, sizes and colors being happy in their skin as they go about their daily lives being beautiful), reading books or poetry (most notably Emery Allen) that promoted self love or self care and so on.

I became so passionate about all forms of selfcare: whether it was physical (skin & haircare, exercise, diet), emotional (being assertive about my needs, boundaries, desires, feelings, having the appropriate responses to people that crossed those limits) & mental (knowing when to stop and wind down and relax, meditate, perform introspection over any anger, hurt, etc, always working through it patiently and lovingly), spiritual… Doing all of these things became synonymous with self love. Eat healthy because your body deserves the best. Examine and work through that pain because you deserve to heal and be happy. Apply lotion because you’ll feel better, more relaxed, more confident.

All of these things helped bring me to where I am today, a point in which self love has become effortless, an instinct, a habit, a natural need that I nurture and give to myself unconditionally – because I’m worth it. Because you are all worth it.
And I hope your journey back to yourself is just as fulfilling.
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