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8 Dating Commandments Of The High Value Woman

With so many women awakening to their true potential and value, it’s the perfect time to reassess your dating approach. By following these dating commandments of the high value woman, you can make sure that you’re not wasting your time, giving chances to the wrong men, sabotaging yourself from the beginning, or crossing your own boundaries.

Yes, it’s easier said than done, but the sooner we learn to incorporate these rules, the sooner we will unfamiliarize what holds us back, and familiarize what uplifts us.

A healthy relationship is one where you make your high standards clear, and accept nothing less than what you deserve. Furthermore, a healthy relationship is one where your partner meets you at your level and then goes above and beyond, because when someone loves you, they want to give you the whole world. But until then, you have to be clear with yourself and everyone else on what caliber of relationship you want.

Here’s how to make sure that happens.

1. Bolt at the first red flag

Yes, you’ve read that right. “Surely you don’t mean the FIRST hiccup?”, you may be thinking. And darling, yes I do! There has never ever been a time when I witnessed a red flag while dating, overlooked it, and proceeded to have a great relationship regardless.

Most often the red flags only become worse or multiply, they never disappear or decrease. People are who they are, it doesn’t mean they are bad people – it just means they’re bad for you. Certainly there is room for improvement and self development, but that change must come from that person, and it is inner work and soul therapy that they have to do themselves (before entering dating stage for a healthy relationship).

And most importantly… Ladies, my dear ladies, it’s not your job to play therapist! I cannot emphasize this enough. The only person who should baby and coddle a man is his mother. There are no two ways about this.

To clarify, a red flag means a dealbreaker. This is generally subjective to each person, but there are also things that apply to any relationship and should go without saying: any kind of abuse – physical, mental, emotional; disrespecting boundaries; general disrespect, the list goes on.

So when you encounter red flags while dating someone, this means 1) they’re not healthy for YOU, 2) they don’t prioritize the things which are essential to you, 3) they don’t have the same emotional maturity that you do, which leads back to point 1.

2. Only date financially stable or wealthy partners

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This seems to be a controversial topic for some reason, but I’ll set this argument straight in case you’re still conflicted about your stand.

You believe you deserve to be happy, right? You believe you deserve the best, right? Then it should go without saying, you deserve to have the best of both worlds – love and financial security! Why shouldn’t you? Why would anyone say no to that?

To put things into perspective, what are you going to do when your new date takes you out for first dinner, and fumbles because this and that, and you end up paying? The first dates and meetings set the tone for the relationship.

Think long term. If he can’t provide for you on a date, how is he going to provide for you down the line, when you’re married, or have children? If he can’t afford this little attention, he shouldn’t be dating. He should be focusing on getting his life together, sorting out his finances and improving his overall life status! (This goes both ways – if you’re not financially secure on your own, you’re opening yourself up to a lot of vulnerable situations with a potential partner, depending on them, not being able to move out when things get bad down the line, etc).

Exceptions exist in dating men who don’t have their finances together, but they are exceptions for a reason and shouldn’t be your end goal. Besides, if he puts in little effort in the beginning, you’re teaching him that that’s your baseline going forward, and 9 times out of 10, it’s not going to change afterwards. A gentleman with self-respect who values being able to provide for his woman, will absolutely focus on obtaining a certain financial security and success before dating seriously.

3. Know your boundaries, and don’t break them

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Boundaries can be anything ranging from things that are or are not in your comfort zone, principles that you have and refuse to cross for anyone’s sake, or anything that impedes on your wellbeing if you do. Before you even start thinking about dating, you have to be crystal clear on your boundaries.

Why? Because if you don’t know what they are, then people will inevitably end up walking all over you, because they’ve been given no instructions otherwise.

Even when they are well-meaning, you can still find yourself in situations that trigger you or make you feel off, so the best thing you can do is 1) define your boundaries 2) honor them. Teach people how to treat you by what you do tolerate and what you don’t tolerate. If you give them free reign, they will learn to treat you however they feel like.

4. Only date providers

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This is key for a healthy relationship down the line, which is why it’s important to include it in the dating stage. It’s all about mindset, it’s something that’s present from the beginning because it’s who he is, it’s part of his core values. If it’s not, then it won’t magically manifest when you start going steady, which is why you should aim to date providers from the getgo.

Dating a provider means dating a man who has a particular core value. It means he is masculine, he cares about providing for his partner – you, taking care of you financially, but also in other ways, being protective of you, looking out for you in small ways. It means he is generous. It means he embodies principles of divine masculinity.

This ties in with what men are generally hardwired to do: they are protectors and gatherers. When you allow him to step into his natural masculine role (protector, provider), you allow yourself to ease into your feminine role (nurturer), and a beautiful, harmonious balance is maintained.

Lastly, by setting this principle for yourself, you are showing your new date that these are your standards, and his behavior should only improve in that direction if he wants more commitment from you.

The reverse scenario: if you insist on providing for yourself alone, you are 1) emasculating him, because he no longer has to fill the masculine role of being a provider, and 2) you are already taking up the masculine role, which imbalances your feminine energy. This leaves a generally unhealthy dynamic of energies, where he may be left with confusion over his role, and feeling like he is unable to embody his natural purpose, and furthermore might be put off by the overflow of this energy in you.

Masculine men always naturally gravitate towards feminine women. Masculine women will naturally attract more feminine men. It’s not about gender, it’s about the energy balance – opposites will always attract because they complement one another.

5. Only Accept Quality Activities

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That means any activities which are classy: dinner dates, theater dates, museum dates, art gallery dates, anywhere classy where he is able to treat you to a lovely experience while getting to know you better. I would advise against coffee dates, going out for drinks (why would you want to inebriate yourself with someone new you don’t even know, and put yourself in a vulnerable position?), homecooking dates (that should come later in the relationship when you settle down; let him go out of his way during the beginning/dating stage, that’s the whole point).

And absolutely no “flix & chill”. Those are activities to do later on in the relationship when you’re going steady and fully committed, activities which are casual and intimate and homey. They’re not things to do with new people you’ve just met and are starting to date. Dating is the time when he should be treating you like a queen and spoiling you and giving you the best treatment (and later on only upholding that, because that’s a high value relationship).

Don’t even entertain people who want to date you yet put in low effort. Your terms are not up for negotiation. It’s only natural to expect queen treatment, as you are a high value woman and it’s a privilege to be with you. And a high value man, a gentleman, will be more than happy to prove himself to you.

6. No Intimacy

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To follow up on the boundaries point, this includes intimacy as well. This is not about freedom or empowerment, but about protecting yourself (your sacral energy, your creative energy, your sensuality). I know it can be tempting when you have amazing chemistry or a great date together, however

Look at the bigger picture: you’re only dating this person, you’re still getting to know each other, you don’t yet know their values and principles, they don’t yet appreciate, respect and value you as you deserve. They have offered no commitment to you (until he puts a ring on it, you’re still single, and that’s that on that). So why would you give premium access to someone who has offered no commitment in exchange? Intimacy always leads to attachment. Intimacy always leads to attachment! That’s a fact, because it’s how we’re hardwired as human beings.

By getting involved intimately, you are exposing your vulnerability, you are sharing yourself physically in the most vulnerable way, not to mention that by doing so you are forming energetic ties with that person… and all of this, before you are connecting mentally, emotionally, spiritually? That’s a recipe for a messy situationship darling!

If you do that, here’s what happens: eventually you know it’s not working, it’s not right for you, you know you should end it, you know you deserve/want more, but you also feel attached and don’t know how to slip out of it or you don’t even want to because you’re already attached to them. If such a situationship is not what you want, then realize your precious value, and that intimacy with you is a privilege!

Besides, you don’t need a partner to satisfy your cravings. It’s not the same, sure, but just like with anything else in life, you should explore with a playful mindset and satisfy your own needs.

A relationship is a luxury, a bonus to your life, it is not a necessity. Remember that.

7. Only Accept Respect

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Respect means that if your dating partner makes plans, they follow up on them, they are punctual, they don’t weasel out of plans or cancel or prioritize other things. If they made the conscious choice to plan a date with you, it is also your time and investment, and it’s only classy to honor the commitments they made and to respect your time. If they disrespect it, then darling, don’t spend your energy demanding respect from people who don’t care to offer it.

High value women don’t waste time trying to convince people to respect them; they simply walk away from those who don’t. People can make mistakes, sure – but a gentleman wouldn’t ruin a first (or 2nd, 3rd) date with such behavior, and if any emergencies get in the way, he would remedy it accordingly: by apologizing, rescheduling, honoring that commitment, and also making it up to you.

8. Define your goals

This means thinking long-term and being strategic about your dating. You should be clear on what constitutes an ideal partner, on what kind of man you are interested in having by your side down the line. Being strategic means that with each date together, you are more and more clear on whether this is the man for you:

Do your values, your principles, your wide-area interests align? What about spirituality/religion? Your vision for the future, for marriage, for kids (or lack thereof)? Does he respect and support what’s important to you, your business, your work ethic?

Nobody says you have to obtain all this info from the beginning; do so gradually, with grace and subtlety, as is normal. But the point is to have an end goal, to have a clear understanding of what you DO want. And lastly, if your visions and priorities don’t align, then graciously end the dating.

Here is where the longterm thinking comes in. Because by continuing to entertain someone you don’t consider a viable partner, fiance, husband, you are essentially wasting both your time and theirs. Time which could be better spent either dating others, being single, or focusing on yourself and your business – that’s time well invested.

Note: this article is written with a focus on men/women dynamic because that is my area of experience. However, this is still applicable to any dynamic by referring to masculine/feminine energy, regardless of gender, pronouns, etc.

I hope this article inspires you to level up your dating game to match your standards.

Until next time, queens! 💕

Much love always...

💋 Lumen

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6 Responses

    1. Hi Lumen,
      My name is Nancy and Im in my 40’s and a single. I read your article and this article has awakened me. I have learned and now I am going to apply these principles to myself. Thanks☺️

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