Dark feminine energy is a hot topic in 2024.
Since the arising popularity of the femininity wave, awareness of its shadow aspects – dark femininity – followed soon after. This is most noticeable through social media trends like TikTok blowing up with #darkfeminine content and tips, followed by even Vogue articles on this topic that holds such fascination for so many of us.
I believe all women can benefit from tapping into their dark feminine energy. However, I’ve noticed a common misconception about what the dark feminine is about, and many creators (businesses, sites, blogs) are perpetuating this misconception because the toxic angle is more profitable than the self improvement angle.
In short, they’re giving dark feminine energy a bad reputation by claiming it’s all about “using dark psychology tips and tricks to manipulate men, get into their heads and get them to treat you right”.
There are many problematic things with the above. Let’s name a few:
Why it’s problematic to associate DF to manipulation
- You can’t (and shouldn’t) waste your time persuading someone of your worth. It’s not your job to prove yourself. People either appreciate you, or they don’t.
- I don’t recommend playing with dark psychology the same reason I don’t recommend playing with black magic. What goes around comes around. However, I support every woman’s freedom of choice, as long as you’re taking ownership for your actions.
- It’s yet again male-centered. Instead of being about self improvement or self-discovery, it revolves around… yes, male validation.
- Dark femininity is an incredibly empowering tool, and this misconception is leading a lot of girls and women to play games and chase men, instead of leading them into their own power.
A more accurate term for the above trend which revolves around revenge and manipulation is simply “toxic femininity”. Yes, the female equivalent of toxic masculinity, because mistakes can be made on either side.
There is nothing feminist or empowering in chasing an ex that mistreated you, and putting on an elaborate show just to convince him you were always his dreamgirl.
Understand that through this, you are giving away your power and relying on another person to validate your sense of self-worth. Is that actually empowering? Of course not.
So then why waste your precious youth and energy to chase after people that are blind to your amazing worth and potential?
Alright, you say. So what IS dark feminine energy actually about?
What the Dark Feminine isn’t about…
- Manipulating men
- Dark psychology to get your way
- Getting revenge on an ex or jilted partner
- Playing games
- Being heartless, cold and b*tchy
- Playing hard to get (a dark femme isn’t pretending, she actually is hard to get because she’s the prize and she knows it)
What the DF is about…
- Strong boundaries by defining what you will and won’t tolerate
- High standards by defining your expectations for relationships, treatment, etc
- Self-knowledge and self-discovery
- Feeling safe in your own body and identity
- Becoming confident
- Accepting your body and yourself
- Doing shadow work and integrating aspects that are socially taboo, too much or unacceptable, shameful, etc
- Selflove & falling in love with your (shadow) self
- Self-forgiveness
- Empowerment through authenticity
- Attuning to your divine feminine energy
- Embracing and integrating all aspects of your sacred feminine, including your rage, sadness, grief
- Embracing your sensuality and sexuality, thereby harnessing your primal energy, which can unlock creativity, vitality, confidence
10 Responses
Good thing I’ve been doing it correctly, but people can’t maintain eye contact with me for long. I don’t know why?
Hi Dionne,
That’s an interesting side-effect of having powerful dark feminine energy I think! I’ve noticed this with many dark femme ladies, including Alexa Demie or Angelina Jolie in various interviews.
I believe it’s a combination of the confidence you emanate, your self-possession and self-love. When you fully embrace both your light and darkness, it can make you feel unstoppable, because you’re no longer afraid of what other people think, or whether they approve of you or not. That kind of confidence shines through during eye-contact I think!
Thanks for sharing your story 💖
-Lumen
I have an ex whom I’ve been broken up with for almost two years . I have a child with her that is 7 years old.
I found out she was cheating. So I left and I’ve tried building me a life of my own. She’s done nothing but sabotage my happiness in life everywhere I’ve been. And I moved to the neighboring town and county. I am currently waiting a court date to fight her in Court over our child. When I finally cut her out of my life completely and decided to move on , over a year later, it got worse.
Constantly degrading me and my new GF. Yet she was seeing all kinds of men. Fighting her dark feminine energy has been the worst thing I’ve ever faced.
Thank you for the good read.
Hi Cory,
That sounds awful. I’m sorry to hear of all the troubles you’ve gone through. Indeed, this is why I try to educate people on how dark femininity can (and should) be used in a beneficial way, not as a tool to manipulate others.
I hope this article was nonetheless helpful in shedding light on the authentic, uplifting side of dark femininity. Thanks for your sincere comment and I hope fortune & blessings come your way soon to lighten your burdens.
-Lumen
Ok? I’m so glad to come across this. This feels like what I would need to do. It’s more “natural” feeling to me.
Hi Sylvia,
It’s always great to listen to your intuition. If it feels right and natural, it means it’s the right path for you. 💖
-Lumen
Hi
Thank you for this article. I keep perceiving so much ego in the dark feminine information that I’ve been seeing and it wasn’t sitting right in my mind. This is way more empowering makes so much more sense and totally resonates with me.
Hi Prima,
Happy to hear it resonates with you! I agree that empowerment should be the main goal of any “trend” or movement. If it’s not helping you become a better and healthier person, why engage with it?
-Lumen
Perfect. Thank you for sharing this clarification on Dark Feminine Energy. What it is about truly resonates with my journey. I never knew that people were marketing such toxic traits as empowering.
Hi Brandi,
I’m glad it resonates. It is indeed upsetting to see such an empowering movement to be discredited, or mistakenly associated with manipulation and insecurity.
I think raising more awareness on what dark femininity truly means can make all the difference… between giving away your power, or actually reclaiming it.
-Lumen