Throughout the level up and hypergamy community, I’ve noticed a certain well-meaning but questionable mindset that seems prevalent. The idea of marrying rich as an end goal, and investing all your efforts into making that happen – because once you do, it’ll fix everything for you.

Now, I fully agree with hypergamy, after all, it is simply the extension of high standards into every other area of a lady’s life, including her relationship. Who wouldn’t want financial security, when you’re on a lifelong quest to become your best self?

But I don’t agree with the mindset of relying on hypergamy as an end goal, without focus on much else… and here’s why.

It contains a huge flaw.

Why hypergamy as your end goal is problematic

You’ll be spending your life, your effort and time into becoming someone’s wife, deluded that their financial wealth is a guarantee to be set for life.

It isn’t.

You are still giving your power away and renouncing your authority, relying on another person completely. You’re also potentially giving away your best years, your youth. It’s never smart to put all your eggs in one basket, and cross your fingers hoping that one high risk will pay off. Are you really willing to take such a gamble?

Hypergamy is a natural dating choice for any high value woman who is looking to level up all aspects of her life. But the catch here, is that while you have high standards for relationships and consequently marriage, you shouldn’t invest all your energy trying to “grab” someone of high status so that you don’t have to ever think of finances again. That way, you’re doing nothing but building yourself halfway with the needs of someone else in mind (being what a particular high status man wants)!

Doesn’t sound progressive, does it?

Do this instead…

Instead, build yourself up for yourself, be passionate about elevating your life to its highest potential. Focus on leveling up for your own sake, and being receptive to opportunities that align with your high standards, yes. But by channeling all your efforts into one purpose, that of marrying up, you may be losing out on incredible opportunities for personal or professional growth that you could regret later.

Imagine if you discovered glow up culture at 19 and spent your 20s becoming the supposed ideal of a high status man so that you can achieve that financial security… And then wake up at 35 or 40 with children and said husband growing disinterested. Maybe he’s cheating or leaving you for another, taking his wealth along — and you having nothing to show for all the years wasted on it. You never know what can happen, and that’s the point of thinking long-term and proceeding with caution. So, what would you do then? Wouldn’t you wish you’d have been smarter?

Being smart means making use of the connections you make. Use the resources at your disposal. Continue working on your education, your mental and emotional wellbeing, your health, your phisique, your network and resume. A smart woman always makes good use of the opportunities around her. Most importantly, she always has her own financial stream (if not several income streams, which she keeps adding to). She expands into trading, stocks, real estate investments, whatever is the adequate strategy at the time. And she finds and honors her higher purpose, her passions. In other words, she has a life beyond her partner.

Essentially, she covers her bases and creates her own strong foundation! How else can you meet another with equal confidence and emotional security, with unwavering standards, if you have no foundation of your own? I always emphasize in my articles that you should enter a partnership (whether a friendship, relationship or business partnership) from a position of power, of freedom of choice, of intentional choice which is carefully measured; instead of coming from a position of vulnerability, of need, choosing so because you have no other choice or means.

Conclusion

I’m not saying you should wait until you’re rich to marry rich. I’m saying you should have your priorities in check. There should be an order to things. There is a reason you should get yourself together before stepping into a union with someone else. It’s to make sure you look out for you! Prioritizing the above foundations is your back-up, your safety net, your baseline. The one person who will always watch out for you, is you, and you should never lose sight of that.

Because it’s important to respect that every woman is free to choose what’s best for her (and that includes if the simple pleasure of building a family is their higher purpose), I would still advise a degree of the same caution. Have a savings account, a side hustle, a prenup that has you covered in the unfortunate case the marriage doesn’t work. Just make sure you have a plan in place.

We’re all human, and you can’t depend unconditionally on another person. It’s alright to admit that and take measures in that direction.

There’s nothing wrong with hypergamy. But don’t make it your only goal! Have a plan outside the scope of marriage. You’ll waste so much amazing potential for the sake of… yes, finding a man, who may or may not always be there for you – instead of building yourself up.

Because you will always be there for you.