Ladies, it’s time for another article on dating and our much beloved high value mindset. We’ve discussed how to become a high value woman, what dating strategies you should always have at hand, how to distinguish the difference between a man of high value or low value, and the most frequent obstacles holding you back from enacting high standards. And last but not least, what high value truly stands for.

To further build on this, I have created a list of do’s and don’ts when it comes to high value dating, so you never slip up and let those delicious, thrilling butterflies and going with the flow distract you from what you know you deserve. You can keep this list in your phone, screenshot it, write on a sticky-note you keep in your purse, bookmark it, the choice is yours.

Here on my blog, we’re not in the business of making mistakes just because we didn’t know any better; we cultivate our minds, treasure our bodies, protect our hearts and honor our souls. That’s how it’s done.

Here’s how to make sure you enjoy dating in a smart way, the way a classy woman does.

High Value Dating Do’s:

1. Continuously check in with yourself on a mental, emotional and physical level. Reassess the situation, make sure it is always steered in the direction that you want. This is selfcare and mindfulness applied to your dating life. Don’t just go with the flow, the only destination that leads you to is all over the place, after wasting a lot of precious time. Ask yourself, “is this what I want?” and if the answer isn’t YES, then it’s a no. Lukewarm is not good enough. Meh is not good enough. Maybe is not good enough! A woman of high value moves with intention, not uncertainty. She paves her way with confidence because she knows what kind of man or relationship she wants.

2. Pay attention to his actions, not just his words. I keep emphasizing this because it is infinitely important. This ties in with being mindful of any red flags. It’s human nature to put your best foot forward shortly after meeting someone; so it’s only smart of you to be attentive to any red flags and not be fooled, only to pick up the pieces on your own. But being aware of his actions is also how you can tell how invested he is in you! It’s not rocket science: if he’s interested in you, he will put in the effort, he will write to you, he will show up in any and every way he can in your life, he will find any excuse to spend time with you. It’s that simple, ladies.

3. Do make your boundaries clear. Throughout your dates, be communicative to your partner about how things are going to work with you. For instance, if you don’t do 50/50, say so. If you are very busy and only have time a few hours a week, say so. And if anything physical is off the table, say so. Whatever is your high standard, make it clear and don’t worry about coming off as too strong or high-maintenance! A gentleman, a man of high value in fact appreciates a strong-minded woman who knows what she wants, and doesn’t settle for less. He will admire your clarity and honesty. The men that mind your boundaries and standards don’t matter, and those that matter won’t mind.

4. Lean into your feminine energy: let him initiate, let him come to you, you just have to be receptive and say yes. Focus on levelling your life up, and in the meantime you only need to show up when men of value show their interest and effort. Nobody says you need to waste your time insisting on each partner you date to make things happen. Let things unfold naturally. Give him the necessary space to embody his masculine energy.

5. Ask about safe subjects in the beginning: family, friends, interests, career, hobbies, etc. Subjects which help you fill in the blanks around him as an individual and what he stands for. The deeper topics come later.

High Value Dating Don’ts:

1. Don’t be too available. Don’t jump the minute he writes or calls or proposes a spontaneous activity. Make it clear you are busy and have a schedule, and if he wants to spend time with you, it will have to be with due notice and attentive planning. This relays the message that your time is valuable, and you don’t play when it comes to boundaries. Whether he respects this or not will be incredibly telling of his character and principles.

2. Don’t explain or justify your actions or choices. If he suggests something that you’re not comfortable with, don’t get into the habit of giving an emotion-based response, instead state facts or what’s going to happen, as if it’s non-negotiable, because it isn’t. If you explain your feelings, he may feel inclined to debate it, because men are analytical minded. Instead of these: “No thanks, I’m not comfortable with that”/ “I don’t feel that’s a good idea, I just met you.” / “We should meet at the restaurant, it’s too soon to meet by my place”—> use these: “No.” (it’s a full sentence) / “I’ll meet you at the restaurant.” / “Let’s do x (instead), that works for me.”

3. Don’t make yourself responsive 24/7. For instance, no contact after 8 PM, perhaps add weekends to that “don’t disturb me, I’m working on me” hustle schedule. Darling, don’t give him premium access to you when he’s only on the trial period.

4. Don’t compromise who you are: your life, your goals, your hustles. If Saturdays are your work-nonstop-on-your-goals hustle day, don’t compromise that because of a proposed fun date. You don’t have to give up one or the other, and you shouldn’t. Integrate his world into your life, don’t replace your world with his.

5. Don’t just go with the flow. Chemistry can be intoxicating and blinding and lead you astray. Which is why you need a clear direction and know what are the next steps you want to take for the respective relationship. Court for another 1 month or 1 year? Take it slow, take it fast? Know by the 3rd month if he’s husband material? Your choice.

6. Don’t chase. Don’t be desperate or too eager or rush things. Understand that there is an underlying dynamic of energy in every relationship. When a woman switches to hunter mode, she leans into her masculine energy, which leaves the man no choice but lean into their own feminine energy in order to balance the dynamic. Men love the chase because that is when they’re fully in their masculine energy, and they feel purposeful and driven.

7. Under no circumstances should you ever sit and wait around for his phone call, for him to respond to your message, or initiate anything. This is one of the most important “high value dating don’ts”. A classy woman will never sit around waiting and put her whole life on pause for a man’s sake (or anyone eles’s). Boss up, keep yourself a busy woman! Focus on your growth, read a book, work on your business, meditate, get back to doing your thing. Don’t you dare put your life on hold because a man on your roster gives you butterflies. Have your fun, but also have your life.

8. Don’t ask about his previous relationships in the first weeks or even months. If he wants to open that subject, he will do so on his own. If you prod him early on, he may either not respond well, or he may open the Pandora’s box and fixate on his exes, which is the last thing you want. Your dating together should be about you two, not his history of failed relationships.

This goes both ways; don’t speak about yours either unless he asks, and even then keep it short and diplomatic. Intimate and raw stories can come after, once committment is agreed upon on both ends and you see a future for the relationship.

Likewise, avoid controversial or heavy topics like politics, religion, and others. You want to get to know each other better, not step on his trigger points, right? Actually, do approach heavy topics! They’re very important, as a matter of fact. You don’t want to wake up married for 5 years when you realize the man you love doesn’t believe in basic human rights, women’s freedom to do what they want with their bodies, or other bare minimum requirements from a partner. You should know who you’re dating and potentially considering a lifelong partnership with. And if you step on any trigger points and realize your values and beliefs don’t align? The sooner you have the answer to that question, the less time you waste dating them!

9. Don’t be impressionable. If you treats you very well, courts you like a gentleman, wines and dines you, gives you gifts, tells you of his success and achievements, don’t be so easily impressed. Be pleased, be grateful, be happy for him, but don’t stumble over yourself just because it looks like you have a catch on your hands. That’s how it should be, you only deserve wonderful things. Don’t sell yourself short.

10. Don’t do anything just to appease him. If you choose to do or say something, do it because you want to, not because you want him to like you, validate you or approve of you. That’s one of many forms of self-sabotage and doesn’t align with the mindset of a high value woman. Maintain your authenticity and sovereignty, move with purpose. Acting like someone you’re not, just to appease someone, will never lead to happy relationships. You have to show up as your true self, and those that are meant to be will resonate with you.