Have you ever wondered how to start your healing era?
I think everyone should have one. You can’t girlboss your way to your dreams without stopping to smell the flowers, otherwise you’ll just end up burnt out.
We’re taught to hustle and grind, to chase our dreams, to keep running on the hamster wheel of the corporate world, or some other arbitrary goal. As valid as those goals are, life takes its toll and it’s important to take inventory of all that we have achieved, lick our wounds, and offer ourselves the grace of gathering our strength again.
Much like nature, we undergo seasons of growth, of prosperity, of loss, and of hibernation. Many underestimate the importance of this hibernation, this cocoon phase. But it is, in fact, where the magical transformation happens!
Here’s how to start your healing era.
Accept the situation
The first step in starting your healing era is making peace with wherever you are right now.
Perhaps you just went through a painful break-up. Maybe you lost your job, or had to move to a new place for external constraints you had no control over. How do you process it and move on?
I’ll be honest, it can be tricky. It’s equal parts surrendering control, trusting in the universe, and practicing the art of detachment. Letting go sounds easy in theory, but in practice it can feel impossible at times. (Especially for those anxiously attached girlies out there, that have never let go of anything ever. It’s okay, I’ve been there too.)
Trust is the keyword. Sometimes you have to trust, because you have no other choice. And if that still doesn’t offer you relief, it’s okay to pray! I often do.
Embrace change
A simple answer on how to start your healing era? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. In other words, you embrace change and make the best of the situation.
So embrace this new season of your life. Think of all the new opportunities that life will bring your way!
If you’re moving to a new city, think of all the exciting new concerts, restaurants and venues you’ll be able to discover. You’ll meet new people, make new friends. A fresh start can be beautiful and refreshing thing in the world, if you let it.
If you ended a job, either because you had enough and quit, or got fired, or got laid off, the point stands: it’s an opportunity to find a better workplace, better teammates, better salary! I know it’s a hard place to be in and you may be struggling mentally or even financially, but the one thing you can absolutely do for yourself right now, is positively reframe the situation. Look at the bright side, because wallowing in the dark one will only leave you depressed, anxious and resentful.
If you ended a toxic relationship, try to find gratitude and relief in finally being free. Now you can make space for a healthy, happy relationship one day. Or you can simply enjoy being single, and thrive in this new era of your life. You get to travel to new places, try new hobbies and sports, do whatever you want whenever you want, without worrying about how it impacts your significant other. There’s freedom in that, and that may not be something you will always have (for better or worse). So make the best of this single lady era and let yourself enjoy life.
Practice forgiveness
You can’t heal if you’re angry at the world, least of all if you’re angry at yourself.
You may ask, “What do I do with the anger then, Lumen? Where do I put it down?”
And that’s a valid question. Please let me reassure you that whatever you may be feeling, whether that’s anger, resentment, frustration, sorrow, or anything else – your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to feel them. It’s okay to lean into them, let those emotions be seen and felt. Any pain we ever hold within, is just asking to be acknowledged, asking to feel seen. You don’t need to keep holding on to them. They are not a burden you’re meant to carry forever, nor should you make the mistake of tying them to your identity.
Anger isn’t who you are, nor is pain or sadness. They’re just passing feelings, here to bring you a message. For instance, anger is a very important feeling: it signals when a boundary of yours has been crossed, and you need to take action! So honor it, and stand up for yourself, speak your truth. Pain always feels lighter when shared with loved ones, where you feel heard and supported. And so is sadness – it just needs a kind eye, much like flowers reach for the warmth of sunlight.
My point is this: give yourself the kindness of forgiveness. Forgive others, and forgive yourself. Not for anyone else’s sake, but your own.
Nobody is meant to carry all that heavy weight on their heart. So forgive, and let it go.
Choose yourself
Being selfish has a negative connotation. But for women, let’s be honest, it’s ten times worse.
In today’s age, a woman choosing to be selfish is akin to a revolution. You immediately get painted as the villain, and that’s something you have to learn to get comfortable with, if you truly want to be happy and live an authentic life.
You may hear things like . . .
“What do you mean you’re single, and choosing to be celibate when so many men are out there?” (translation: how dare you protect your heart and body as sacred, instead of allowing random men access to you?)
“How are you in a relationship for 4 years, but not married yet? When are you getting married?” (translation: your personal morals and values make us uncomfortable, why aren’t you conforming to them?)
“What do you mean you’re married, but you’re not having kids?” (translation: rinse repeat, as above)
Society is all too keen to dictate to a woman how to dress, how to look, how to act, what her entire life trajectory should be, what she should do with her body at every phase of her life.
If you’re wondering how to start your healing era, but always put others first . . . I’m here to remind you that it’s okay to choose whatever brings you most happiness and peace of mind!
Putting others first, self-sacrificing, pouring from an empty cup will get you no medals. All it will get you is burn-out, regrets, and a feeling of resentment at the end of your life for having lived said life for other people, instead of yourself.
You can’t be there for a friend if you’re drained and irritable towards everyone. You can’t provide nutritious milk for your newborn if you neglect to feed your own self properly. And you can’t fully show up for your partner if you’re not taking the time to recharge your own batteries, whatever that might mean to you – whether it’s going to the gym, grabbing lunch with the girls, or withdrawing into a room alone to read a book in a cozy blanket.
So please, remember to live for yourself, darlings. Fill your cup first.
Did you start your healing era too? 💖 And if so, how is it going? Let me know in the comments below, I’d love to hear about your experiences.
One Response
Thank you so much for this blog post. We are all in our own phase of our self journey and it is so helpful to have more posts with the damned honest truth in them. It helps me realize how my thoughts and feelings are normal, I am not alone, and people smile behind their struggles each and every day. I am not the only one.
As someone who is leaning into sharing my journey, wanting so desperately to “do the self growth and self love” journey in a way that is true to myself and shares with others so they do not feel alone, I welcome any and all feedback to my “baby steps” start of a blog.