You’re stronger than you can ever realise. You have a 100% survival rate. You’re a survivor, and you should be proud of that fact, instead of letting yourself be guilt-tripped by toxic people who were never in love with you, never in love with who you are, only the idea of you. Of course they were more loyal to their idea(l) of you than the actual you. See the truth of the situation as it was: they were not real friends.