Although the circumstances of 2021 may lower a veil of illusion – that we are disconnected – the truth is we have always been one, and will continue to be one. The only thing that isolates us, is our perception. Our beliefs. Our fears. Our judgements. Our assumptions. The walls we put up around ourselves, between each other – emotional and otherwise…
The High Value concept is not an a-ha! sticky note to pull out as dating strategies that have an eskewed perception of what a healthy relationship or dating should be like. Other people don’t get to decide that being a career woman, or being highly intelligent or knowledgeable, is “low value” of you – that’s their eskewed perception of what a woman should be like. And although that is generally an unhealthy mindset (because in a proper healthy relationship, both partners support each other’s growth, whether personal or professional), it is their subjective belief, one which you don’t need to argue, agree, or invest any energy in. Let them believe what they wish. You already know your value, darlings, and it’s not dependent on other people’s contorted beliefs. It’s only dependent on your beliefs on your own value. Know the difference.
Have you ever noticed how prevalent the actions and behaviors associated with low value are in the media? In books, tv shows? It is no wonder then, why that is what has become familiar to so many people across the world. And what is familiar, is associated with safe and attractive to your subconscious. What is familiar, you unconsciously replicate in your own life – life imitates art! So, by becoming conscious of and unfamiliarizing the low value traits, then familiarizing yourself with high value ones (both in your relationships and in your personal development), you are actively re-wiring yourself to register only high value traits as attractive and acceptable.
What is the ride or die mentality? It’s the mentality that you should be unconditionally loyal to the other person (whether it’s a friend, family member, or romantic partner), no matter what happens. What does this look like? If your partner goes into debt, you’re there to bail him out. If he slips up and cheats, you overlook it because he loves you so very much and apologised a thousand times. If a baby mama pops up out of nowhere, you learn to live with it (please don’t, you deserve more than being a side lady). If he has no job and needs a place to stay and he’s so nice to you, you offer to let him stay at your place for “just a few days” that eventually turn into months as he mooches off of you…
This system of values is not about qualities that people are born with. It is not something outside our power that we have either inherited or not. Instead, this system of values is something that we all develop for ourselves, choose for ourselves, create for ourselves. It is about values, beliefs and principles. It is about priorities, morals and mindset. It is about good manners, empathy and emotional intelligence. And that is the responsibility of each and every individual. And if you hold yourself to high standards, you should absolutely do the same to everything else in life, especially a partner! Here are the most common red flags of LVM, so you don’t have the learn the hard way…
You’re stronger than you can ever realise. You have a 100% survival rate. You’re a survivor, and you should be proud of that fact, instead of letting yourself be guilt-tripped by toxic people who were never in love with you, never in love with who you are, only the idea of you. Of course they were more loyal to their idea(l) of you than the actual you. See the truth of the situation as it was: they were not real friends.
If you are reading this, the universe is saying that it’s time for you to heal. You don’t have to sit with the open wound, burying it under pretenses, self-sabotage or other unhealthy habits. All those approaches popularised in movies, TV shows and books, they are outdated and do nothing for your true wellbeing. Pretending it doesn’t hurt? Pretending it doesn’t exist? Pretending you’re totally fine? None of those things are serving you, love.
I know a thing or two about self sabotage. In fact, the sad thing is that almost everyone does. Self sabotage is when you consciously or, most often, unconsciously follow an action or choice by which you are essentially betraying yourself. These choices are in the detriment of your physical, mental or emotional health. It may involve boundaries, it may involve doing things you know cause great stress. It may even mean going back to a toxic ex or friends, out of the wrong reasons.
We’ve discussed in detail how to get your life together and start healing from all the past wounds. We’ve established the principles of a classy woman, the difference between toxic and healthy relationships, as well
With so many women awakening to their true potential and value, it’s the perfect time to reassess your dating approach to make sure that you’re not wasting your time, giving chances to the wrong men, undercutting yourself from the beginning, or crossing your own boundaries. A healthy relationship is one where you make your high standards clear, and accept nothing less than what you deserve.